Jellyfish Apocalypse Debut Album

33,99 kr or one Seahorse

Track list:
1. The Spineless From The Sea
2. T-T-T-T-Tentacles
3. Flailing For Help, Gasping For Air
4. Jellyfish Apocalypse
5. The Only Thing Worse Than The Screaming Is The Quiet
6. I Walk A Desolate Road Of Loneliness (Feat. Hodentorsion)
7. Fractured Ruins, Elastic Hearts
8. Undulation (explicit)
9. The Amorphous Enemy Within
10. Pissing on Their Graves Will Only Stop The Stinging

Jellyfish Apocalypse (Vynyl)

156,99 kr

Everyone knows you don't have a record player. You've thought about buying one, sure, but you think there's maybe different sizes or whatever and that seems complicated. You don't really think it "sounds warmer" even though you tell people you do. You're a fake, and when the apocalpyse comes you will be buried under the monuments you built to capitalism. You just want to look like you spend a lot of money on objectively worse experiences so you can convince people your tastes are unique and your perspective is valuable.

We made this for you. Look at it spin, look at it shine, we embossed the graphic with a luxurious matte white over a glossy black so it will look perfect on your wall next to all the other indie garbage nobody knows well enough to ask you anything about. We didn't bother to put a back on the jacket because you'd never have read it, in fact, the vynyl is just 25 minutes of cats fucking on both sides. You're going to buy it anyway.

T-Shirt

26,99 kr

It's a T-Shirt. It has our logo on it. It's badass and if you wear this shirt people will want to sleep with you but also think about death and the end of the world, but not, like, at the same time.

Other bands buy their shirts for 16 cents each from a sweatshop in Indonesia that uses child slave labor. We buy these shirts at Michael's for 10 dollars and then Dave screen prints our logo on them with the kit he got for his birthday. We're different. If you're different like us you can wear our uniform too.

Beanie

16,99 kr

Balding before thirty? Balding after thirty but want to pretend you're balding before thirty? Want to impress some scene chick who's way out of your league by wearing merch from a band that's so indie she hasn't heard of it but think T-Shirts are too mainstream? A little cold and could use a hat? We've got a hat.

We could make up some bullshit about organic cotton but everyone knows Amway just made that up in the nineties to sell more TV dinners. This hat is made of 100% premium nondescript cloth if that makes you feel better about your purchasing decision.

Coming Soon

Pizza Boxes

13,99 kr

Memento Pulmo. Remember the jelly.
When you listen to our album, remember that you are seconds away from the jelly. When you have a party, remind everyone that they are all seconds away from the jelly. When you eat a pizza, remember the jelly.

Lightly used, fits most large European pizzas or most small American pizzas.

Tote Bag

17,99 kr

Ah, the humble tote bag, carrier of groceries and holder of the stuff that didn't fit into boxes when moving. This simple, but elegant invention is marred only by one thing: it is a deceitful pawn for captialism. Shocked, you gaze betrayed at your "recycled material" target branded tote, could this be true? But then it hits you like a bullseye, the branding's been there the whole time, plain as day, you paid them 65 cents to be their corporate shill and thought you were saving the planet.

Throw off your shackles and rebel, tell our corporate masters that when the jellyfish come their buildings will crumble and they will find themselves smothered in the amorphous mass of liberation. Buy our tote bag.